Late vs. Too Late
Every now and then, I'll hear a parent tell me something like this,
"I know we should do something about how we handle our son/daughter, but it's really too late since they are almost 18."
Sorry, but you are wrong.
While it certainly may be late in the game, it is never too late. I often find myself thinking I wish I could have worked with this teen/family/marriage sooner. It's always easier to work with a problem when it has first begun, because there is a time in the life of every problem when it is big enough to notice yet still small enough to solve easily.
One of the many reasons that it is never too late is that in many ways, adolescence now lasts until about 25 anyway.
Modeling Bad Choices
You really can't, with any fairness, get very mad at your teen for doing something you have modeled for them.
Now I am not talking about letting your kid off the hook for bad behavior just because you did it too when you were young.
Many parents tell me they are reluctant to talk with their kids about drugs because of fear that the kid will ask the parent if they did drugs as a teenager.
Parents must get over that fear.
Just because you did it does not mean it's a good choice, and you still have the responsibility to deal with the issue with your teens.
At the same time, if you are currently modeling bad choices for them, then that is a very different story.
You really can't expect your kid to not do things they see you doing. This is because if you are currently doing it, you lack the moral authority to encourage them not to do it.
Going back to the late vs. too late notion above, one of the very best examples for kids is to see their parent change something that, while difficult to change, still desperately needs changing.
Two Important Questions
Counselor, speaker and author Dan Allendar, in his new book, "How Children Raise Parents," says that all children, even teenagers, are constantly asking two important questions:
1) Am I loved?
2) Can I get my own way?
How we answer these over time as parents has a huge impact on how our kids turn out.
By the way, the right answers are:
"Yes, you are loved move than you could possibly know"
and
"No, you cannot get your own way, because of the answer to question No. 1."
Information is Available
Did you know that contrary to what our parents had available to them, there is a ton of useful information out there for parents of teens. Read Allendar's book mentioned above, go to a seminar, do a Google search under parents of teens.
You do not have to do this parenting teens thing on your own, nor do you have to make it up as you go along. Use the resources available to you.
Labor Intensive
There are a few so-called parenting experts out there who will tell you with a straight face that if you do it right, parenting teens is easy.
I think that is such a misleading and damaging big fat lie.
If you are going to do any parenting well, especially parenting teens, it has to be labor intensive.
Listen to the Music
Listen to the music your teen listens to.
Don't talk like them, act like them or dress like them. It's a guaranteed way to be laughed at and ignored. But do listen to the music.
Get familiar with the artists and the lyrics. You need to know what is being loudly pumped into your kid's brain, because it absolutely does influence them.
Remember how much it influenced you?
Visit parentingyourteenager to subscribe to leading Parent Coach Jeff Herring's free internet newsletter "Parenting Your Teenager" and the free 5 day e-program on the "5 Things to Avoid Saying to Your Teenager."
ohare limo service Grand Rapids ..Having worked with parents for the last 35 years and... Read More
Oh yes you have! Suddenly, "Where's Bobby?" You instantly realize... Read More
10 Fun Things You Can Do With Your Children this... Read More
There's a new kind of fun and calm out there... Read More
Researching career education uncovered the following shocking statistic: The average... Read More
Sex has a lot to answer for ? babies usually... Read More
Home, home on the range, Where never is heard A... Read More
Researchers have estimated that 25-35% of children in the United... Read More
At age seven months in the womb, humans begin language... Read More
There is nothing pleasant about failure, at least not at... Read More
The First Reason: For one thing, child development experts are... Read More
My cousin boasts five names and I confess that when... Read More
We know that ancient cultures and Indians and the like... Read More
In school, kids are encouraged to create, draw, color, paint... Read More
Everyone knows that exercise is good for your health. Exercising... Read More
Here is an easy, inexpensive and fun kid experiment for... Read More
"I don't know and I don't care."I've heard those words... Read More
If you're a single parent or a married couple on... Read More
It's funny how people seem to think that they have... Read More
What do you mean average? Not good? Just doing good... Read More
Life is full of competition -- even in childhood. Kids... Read More
School authorities continually claim that they want more parent cooperation... Read More
I was in the life insurance sales industry for over... Read More
1. The Law of the BeastAs parents we need to... Read More
"Hugging is healthy: it helps the body's immunity system, it... Read More
executive chauffeured services Barrington Hills ..Who lives in your house? Are they driving you "crazy?"... Read More
Nurture and TeachThe single most important thing caregivers can do... Read More
There's a phrase that's become popular over the past few... Read More
What parent hasn't gone into a son's or daughter's room... Read More
It's been said, time and again, that for a child... Read More
'Whose room is it anyway?'If you have a teenager, you're... Read More
I still remember the scene vividly. I was getting out... Read More
Jason Meridith's two-year old son whines when he wants more... Read More
It was the homework that did it. Each night became... Read More
As a parent your biggest responsibility is to prepare your... Read More
You want your daughter to wear a dress to the... Read More
Parents are losing their self-control to anger. A friend called... Read More
Volunteering together is a fantastic way to spend time as... Read More
As a hypnotherapist, I am acutely aware of the power... Read More
The debate in many towns continues throughout this country about... Read More
21 Reasons I Love Being A DadWhat you will read... Read More
For the first year or two of life outside the... Read More
Former students would probably attest to the fact that few... Read More
Pool safety should be on the minds of every parent... Read More
Choosing to leave your child with a caregiver is one... Read More
Reading to your child at a young age is one... Read More
Do you know what these famous people have in common?Alexander... Read More
You are in the final round of your favorite game... Read More
I have always found the notion of toilet training a... Read More
Reading is the most important skill that a child must... Read More
Parenting |