Drug testing

Parenting Your Teenager: How to Respond to Manipulation

Q. My daughter has gotten very good at manipulating us, and sometimes we do not even know it has happened until much later. How can we tell if we are being manipulated, and how can we stop it, or at least handle it better?

A. Here's the thing about teens and manipulation:

The average 15-year-old is 15 going on 25 and 15 going on 5 all at the same time.

What this means is they combine the verbal ability and "wisdom" of the 15-going-on-25-year-old with the "I want what I want when I want it which is NOW! and I will make you pay if you say no" of the 15-going-on-5-year-old and come up with some very powerful manipulation.

For now, all you need to know is that if you think you are being manipulated, you probably are, and not only that, you probably already have been.

Trust your "parenting gut." If you get an uneasy feeling about what is happening, that can be an indication that manipulation is going on.

Some other ways to tell if teens are manipulating:

=>Behavior does not match words

=>Stories either don't match what you know, keep changing, just don't make sense, or some combination of these three indicators.

Here are some things you can do:

One of the very best defenses against manipulation is to let your "yes" mean "yes" and let your "no" mean "no."

If you say no at first, and your teen keeps asking you and asking you over and over, and then you give in and say yes, you have taught them that your no does not mean no.

What makes it even worse is that you have taught them that no really means

"I just haven't bugged my parent enough to get to yes."

And each and every teen I have ever known is more than up to that challenge.

Another way to look at this is a concept I call "Concrete Parenting."

Have you ever walked through a concrete wall?

Of course not.

But what if one day you slipped and fell into a concrete wall and went through without any harm?

Human nature would say that you would be much more likely to try it again.

It's the same way with parenting. If kids get it that trying to bug and manipulate you is like running into a concrete wall, eventually they are going to get tired of getting their head all bloody and stop.

Let me make two predictions about what will happen as you try to change your responses to your daughter's manipulation.

Prediction One: It won't work. At least not at first. This is because for a while now, your daughter has had it made. She is not going to welcome any changes that you are making. She will try to get you to change back. So you have to resolve to keep at it, no matter the resistance you get.

Hang in there, it's worth it, for both of you.

Prediction Two: For a while, you will still get manipulated. It will go something like this:

First, you will not realize you have been manipulated until after it has already happened.

Next, you will begin to notice it while it is happening, and be able to take corrective action.

Then finally, you will see it coming, and be able to cut it off before it gets going.

Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com to subscribe to leading Parenting Coach Jeff Herring's f'ree internet newsletter "Parenting Your Teenager" and the f'ree 5 day e-program on the "5 Things to Avoid Saying to Your Teenager."

In The News:

Dressed in moccasins and a rabbit-skin shroud, a man was laid to rest in a cave in Nevada about 10,600 years ago.
Two divers in New Zealand found themselves face-to-face with a strange 26-foot worm-like sea creature recently.
Marine scientists made a major — and somewhat unexpected — discovery while surveying the ocean floor roughly 200 miles off the coast of Ireland.
A previously-unknown 1,500-year-old painting of Christ’s face has been uncovered at a Byzantine church in Israel’s Negev desert.
Space enthusiasts have spotted what they claim is a mythical "creature" hidden in the swirls of Jupiter's cloud system. 
A new study highlights the risks that heatwaves can alter species' population numbers over time, resulting in drastically lower sperm counts for insects and could impact other groups for years to come.
For nearly a decade, researchers with Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond would conduct a trawl survey on the James River, never to come across any baby Atlantic sturgeon — a species that was listed as endangered in 2012.
WASHINGTON — The moon may be the next space destination for American astronauts, but the frontier of Mars still beckons, NASA chief Jim Bridenstine says.
A British Airways pilot said there was a “very bright light” from UFOs off the southwest coast of Ireland, and that they came along the left side of his aircraft on Friday and “rapidly veered to the north,” the BBC reported.
How can elephants fend off ivory poachers?

Dads - What Family Legacy Are You Passing On to Your Children?

Do you want to create a deeper, more loving relationship... Read More

How Is Peaceful Parenting? Different?

Peaceful Parenting? ideas are very different from other kinds of... Read More

How to Assist Troubled Teens

What parents of a teen haven't wondered where their sweet... Read More

Your Big Yellow Bus

The big yellow school bus is coming down my road... Read More

Ten Tips for a Great First Day of School!

Many children are jittery on the first day of school.... Read More

Mommies and Me Special Time

Creating and making special memories with your child is very... Read More

Awesome Dads Top Ten Communication Intentions

An Awesome Dad in by no means perfect. But that... Read More

How to Stop Divorce Parental Conflict from Bursting?

It is not the divorce but the conflict arising after... Read More

End Babysitter Abuse

Not many things are more upsetting than discovering that your... Read More

Frequently Asked Questions About Reading To Your Child

Are you worried about your child's reading habits? Perhaps you... Read More

How to Make a Time Capsule

Looking for an unusual and memorable gift? Why not preserve... Read More

ADHD Treatment: Strategy and Philosophy

If your child or teen has been diagnosed with Attention... Read More

Three Sure-Fire Ways to Teach Your Child About Safety

Levels of SafetyBy teaching our children there are different levels... Read More

Creating Great Birthday Party Videos

My son recently had his third birthday party and it... Read More

Income that PAYS Your Child Support WITHOUT Increasing Your Child Support

Child support is defined as that part of your income... Read More

Im a Mom, Shes a Mom: Being an Adult with Your Parents

On one of her quarterly visits to see her grandson,... Read More

Public Schools --- Why On Earth Do We Need Them?

From the time the Mayflower landed at Plymouth Rock in... Read More

Are You Frustrated With Public Schools?

Join a growing number of parents and teachers!Fact: Last year,... Read More

7 Easy Ideas for Organizing Kids Artwork

In school, kids are encouraged to create, draw, color, paint... Read More

I WONT DO IT! Tips for Working with the Oppositional Child

"I WON'T DO IT!" "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"Whether parent or... Read More

Sometimes Our Childrens Questions Answer Our Own

I was changing Ford's diaper the other day when he... Read More

When Kids Hurt Parents

The cruel callous remarks made by our offspring can sometimes... Read More

10 Steps To Prepare You For Life With Children

It's hard to explain to the uninitiated the changes that... Read More

How To Live With Your Teenagers Untidy Room

'Whose room is it anyway?'If you have a teenager, you're... Read More

Getting through the School Daze

It's back to school time again. Does the thought of... Read More

led manufacturers induction fixture Pete's produce ..