Q. We are getting to the stage with our kids where they are becoming teen-agers and are asking for more and more privileges. When we believe we need to say ``no,'' our daughter says, ``But everyone else gets to do it. Why can't I?'' We get stuck. We don't want to be too strict or too lenient. How do we handle this stage?
A. That's a really good question, because many parents get baffled by the everyone-else-gets-to-do-it-why-can't-I maneuver.
My own parents' answer to my ``David gets to do it. Why can't I?'' was this: ``If David stood on his head in the middle of the street in his underwear at 3 in the morning, would you?'' I probably would have. And I never did figure out what that answer had to do with wanting to go to the movies.
Anyway, what my parents had stumbled onto with this saying of theirs was that they were simply not going to get hooked by the bait I was giving them.
Trying to argue against the everyone-else-gets-to-do-it maneuver is a no-win situation.
This is because many teen-agers are 15 going on 25 and 15 going on 5, all at the same time. Parents are faced with an I-want-what-I-want-when-I-want-it 5-year-old with the brains of a young adult who can put together a fairly convincing argument.
Master Manipulators
This combination is part of what makes teen-agers what I call ``master manipulators.''
What happens is this:
Parents get hooked into the manipulation by believing that ``why can't I?'' is a legitimate question worthy of a legitimate answer.
But the reality is this:
There is no answer you could give that would make your teen-ager say, ``Hey, that's a really good reason! Thanks for sharing it with me. Now I no longer want to do what I was asking about.''
It just doesn't happen.
Another way to handle the everyone-else-gets-to line is to check it out.
Call up the parents of your teen-ager's friends and see if they really do get to do all these things. Chances are the real story will be different from the one you are hearing at home.
Visit secretsofgreatrelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.
Ashton group transportation logistics management ..When I was pregnant, we knew that we had some... Read More
Arabella Greatorex, owner of The Natural Nursery, reports on the... Read More
Spare the rod, spoil the child!This philosophy's been around a... Read More
While on a recent trip to the grocery store, I... Read More
The question I have for you drives right to the... Read More
WHEN AN INJURY HAPPENS AT CAMP, HERE'S WHAT YOU NEED... Read More
Have you made your usual New Year resolutions? You know... Read More
Hope, excitement and anxiety all wrapped up in fresh haircuts... Read More
Many research studies have shown the overall effectiveness of stimulant... Read More
I remember when my daughter was born, later my son.... Read More
Time devoted the better part of an issue to it.... Read More
Most of us really don't like it when someone is... Read More
The cruel callous remarks made by our offspring can sometimes... Read More
Until the moment I became a mother, I couldn't quite... Read More
It is hard to believe that summer is coming to... Read More
You may remember The Red Couch Project, a book by... Read More
The distressed adolescent often has feelings of abandonment, emotional detachment,... Read More
Many families today are blending members from past relationships. It... Read More
As parents and teachers, sometimes we want to praise, at... Read More
"I wipe my baby's chin with my college diploma and... Read More
Words are truly powerful things. They are something that becomes... Read More
The most common medications used in the treatment of Attention... Read More
As a hypnotherapist, I am acutely aware of the power... Read More
I have been a single mom for almost 20 years.... Read More
Reading to your child at a young age is one... Read More
group transportation logistics management Highland ..The citizens of the early Roman Republic enjoyed an education... Read More
Well first off, please to don't institute the ? hour... Read More
"Setting the alarm on Sunday mornings is inhuman?..God should know... Read More
Every children in the world whishes to have toys and... Read More
Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent more than the... Read More
We know that you want your little guy or gal... Read More
In this form of treatment for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder... Read More
Are you worried about your child's reading habits? Perhaps you... Read More
To every thing there is a season, and a time... Read More
Can you draw a straight line? Most adults don't consider... Read More
There is little doubt that reading, 'riting and 'rithmetic are... Read More
Do you think you really know your child? I don't... Read More
Although, not a well publicized statistic, childhood obesity has more... Read More
Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More
It was no contest. Given a choice between a ball... Read More
The time you will need to teach your children the... Read More
Many children who suffer from the psychological effects of child... Read More
The disquieting behavior of teenagers in the 21st century, is... Read More
Many children enjoy TV, and they can learn from it.... Read More
1. They can make mistakes under your guidance2. They will... Read More
My son, Dakota is now 7 yrs old. He is... Read More
Raising a pre-teen or teenage daughter (or son) is not... Read More
If your parenting methods include abuse of any kind; physical,... Read More
Something eerily familiar happened in KwaZulu-Natal's Hluhluwe-Umfolozi Park in Africa... Read More
Sometime the most effective training tool in rapidly accelerating the... Read More
Parenting |