Parenting Your Teenager: Ask Questions

Many parents seem to be more than a little confused about what they have a right to know about their teens.

The question I often get goes something like this:

"We want to know where our 16-year-old son is going to be, and who he is with. He makes it sound as if we are the most out-of-it parents, and that it is abusively embarrassing to him that we want to know what he and his friends are doing. Are we being fair?"

You have the right, need and obligation to know all these things, and more. I believe that every parent of a teen has the right to know and the crucial need to know several pieces of information that I call the W's.

These crucial W's are:

1) Who they are spending time with. One of the most powerful forces in the life of a teen is influence: of parents, media, culture and especially friends.

With friends, it's not the question of can your children be influenced, but how they will be influenced. We have come to use the cliche of peer pressure, but this is really about influence.

One of the clearest warning signs of problems is when a teen has two sets of friends _ one that the parents know, and one the parents have never seen and your kid does not want you to see.

Your teen does not want you to see them for a reason, and it's not a good one. A good rule of thumb is that your teen is not allowed to go anywhere with someone you have not at least met. Another simple but little-used strategy is to know the parents of your teen's friends. Also, if you can make your home the hub of his or her circle of friends, where lots of activity takes place or at least begins, you have a good thing going.

2) What they are going to be doing. "But Mom, (stretched into a two or three syllable word) we don't know what we are going to be doing!" Possible answers _ "Well, you'll need to know the answer, and then I'll need to know the answer before you can go" or "That's fine for now, when you decide you must let me know."

Another one you will hear is "But everyone else gets to do it!" This is one the Top 10 things never to believe. It's just not true. Everyone else does not get to do it. And even if they did, you as a parent still have the right to say no.

3) Where they are going. The what and the where go together, and the same rules apply. Watch out for the scam where Billy tells his parents that he is going to Bobby's house, and Bobby tells his parents he is going to Billy's house. This one can be easily handled and checked on when you know the parents of your teen's friends.

4) When will they be back. This brings up the pleasant issue of curfew. The dilemma: Parents want kids home at a certain time, kids want to stay out later.

I've never encountered the situation where a kid wanted his curfew to be earlier. Solution: The parents pick a curfew time. Notice I said the parents and not the parents and kids. This one begins with the parents, and then it's up to the kids to earn more.

While we are at it, let's define late. Late is late, and 10 p.m. is 10 p.m., unless there is something major that is unavoidable. If you consistently make 10:10 acceptable and not late, you send the message that the rules don't really count, and you foster more and more lateness, not to mention giving up your power as a parent.

If the curfew is kept for three months, an additional 15 minutes is added. If they are late during the three months, the three-month earning period starts over from that point.

This model represents the real world where privileges are not just given but earned based on performance.

I've seen more than one family make this a very smooth process by requiring that a small form be filled out, answering all the W's before a request to go out is even considered.

Now, a word of warning:

Your teens will not like this. That's OK because that is not the point. The point is to teach responsibility and other things about the real world, and make this labor-intensive job of parenting a teen just a little less stressful.

While requiring your teens to obey the W's may not be easy, it sure can help you to avoid some other loathsome W's, such as: Waiting up until the Wee hours of the morning, Wondering and Worrying.

Visit parentingyourteenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on parentingyourteenager.com.

Oswego taxi to Midway ..
In The News:

Hackers and scammers keep looking for ways to break into your Facebook account. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson has some tips to make sure your account is secure.
Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson shows you how to create group texts to reach multiple people at once — and also how to leave them if you get annoyed at the volume of interruptions.
Tax fraud is on the rise, and hackers are now using identity hijacking and artificial intelligence for tax returns in someone else's name to get a refund.
Toyota's Punyo soft robot mimics human behavior, using its chest, hips and arms — in addition to its hands — like a human to handle objects,
Hackers used third-party information to break into Roku accounts, according to the streaming company. Roku says it has secured affected accounts.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains the simple steps for setting a Wi-Fi hot spot on an Android. If you have internet on your phone, it's easy.
Dubai recently hosted the first jet suit race with a backdrop of skyscrapers, and one observer says it was straight out of a comic book.
Kim Komando introduces ways to keep you and your devices safe while traveling. The clever hacks mentioned can protect you from hackers and jackers.
TikTok CEO Shou Chew published a video Wednesday urging users to "protect your constitutional rights" against a bipartisan bill that would force China to divest from the app.
Tech guru Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson says you can never be too careful with tech passwords. He explains how to keep your information safe.
The Lighthouse in New Zealand rotates 360 degrees, constantly giving those inside different views around the clock. Built in the 1990s, it's up for sale.
High school students in Colorado are learning how to design their own AI model projects, including cameras for self-driving cars and apps that can teach other languages.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
Vehicles collect sensitive personal information, which is used to set auto insurance rates. That's partly why auto insurance premiums are rising.
Honda's Uni-One is a hands-free electric mobility device that can reach speeds of 3.7 mph and support a user weighing up to 242 pounds.
Kim Komando puts three AI chatbots head-to-head to decide which is the best assistant for modern problems. Compare Google Gemini, ChatGPT, and Perplexity.
To safeguard personal information on iPhones, users can employ built-in security measures and iCloud Keychain for enhanced privacy. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson shows you how.
Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson introduces you to the City Transformer’s CT-2 electric car, which can seamlessly transition from 8 feet wide on the road to a compact 3 feet for parking.
Hackers are always looking for new ways to trick targets into downloading malware. Now, they're after cryptocurrency folks via Calendly. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson has the details.
Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals how the Microlino Lite, a compact and eco-friendly vehicle, tackles city traffic congestion with its chic design and small dimensions.
A new funeral scam targets surviving family members of those who recently died. Scammers reach out to the survivors and pose as funeral home officials.
Merlin Labs' autonomous pilot could soon hit the commercial airways and may help alleviate a looming pilot shortage, according to CEO Matt George.
There's a simple way to check your subscriptions on an Android and cancel them. Tech guru Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains how it is done.
Hackers use pirated software to target macOS, Android and Windows devices in search of stealing cryptocurrency, according to Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson.

Study Skills - Help Young People Study Smarter, Not Harder

Many young people don't know how to study efficiently and... Read More

Should We Apologize To Our Children?

An apology is a sign of strength, not weakness. Sometimes... Read More

Teaching Kids to Read

We are all so very happy to see that the... Read More

Building Teen Character: Part-Time Employment

The teenage years are a crucial time in a child's... Read More

Motherhood is a Perfect Adventure

How often do you think of family life as an... Read More

The Classic ADHD Child Reminds Me of Tigger

ADHD comes in differenty forms, or types. What... Read More

Would You Hire This Teacher?

Imagine you were the principal of the school that your... Read More

Americas Public schools --- Deteriorating Like They Did In Ancient Rome

The citizens of the early Roman Republic enjoyed an education... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Of Course You Can Search Your Teens Room

Q. We recently caught our son smoking pot, and we... Read More

Ten Ways To Become Your Teenagers Best Friend

Best friends! It may seem impossible to believe, but today's... Read More

Help! My Kids Dont Listen to Me

Does this sound familiar? Have your kids not listened to... Read More

Overscheduled Kids

Time devoted the better part of an issue to it.... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: The Trust Issue

Q. How do we decide what our teens should be... Read More

Some Tips for Healthy Parenting

Looking back through my files I've come across several great... Read More

Strengths and Weaknesses

All too often, children with learning disabilities are seen through... Read More

What Parents Should Do For Children To Do Their Best After Divorce?

Why do some children still do best after divorce and... Read More

Best Investment

Every week I write something about the stock market -... Read More

Banishing Bedtime Blues

"My son won't go to bed at night without a... Read More

Book Review: How to Get Your Child to Love Reading

How to Get Your Child to Love Reading was conceived... Read More

Introduction to the Medications Used in the Treatment of Attention Deficit Disorder

There are several treatment options available to help improve the... Read More

Tackle, Tackle

I don't know how people raise daughters because I have... Read More

Bless Your Child With The Name

What a dreamer I am when thinking about parenthood. Most... Read More

Protect your Kids Early with Safety Glasses

What exactly makes safety glasses different from regular glasses? There... Read More

Teacher Tips: Your Room Set-Up and ADHD Students

Thank you to all of our professional educators who dedicate... Read More

What is Child Sexual Abuse?

What is child sexual abuse? Any sexual activity that is... Read More

shuttle from Midway Morris ..