Predicament:
My son is 4 1/2 years old. His younger brother is 2 1/2. From the time his brother was born, until now, he has been loving, giving, and caring. Like all siblings sharing has not always come as easy. In the last few weeks he has made comments that I pay more attention to his brother. I have evaluated it and even though my husband and I think he is wrong...I have tried to spend more one on one time with him. He has become very quiet, withdrawn, and when ever we ask what is wrong he has a sad look and just shrugs and says nothing. The other day I heard him playing and he was dialoging that a toy needed to be sad to get attention and that that toy had just had a baby brother. He treats his brother as well as ever and he truly loves him and I just find it hard to believe that after 2 1/2 years that he is really insecure about his brothers attention getting. Is this just a way to manipulate me into paying more attention, a phase, a way of growing emotionally or what????Help please. I have prayed about it and hopefully you are the answer God has given me.
Lisa
Response
Sounds like lots of good old fashion sibling stuff going on. Nothing you mentioned is out of the norm. I found myself focusing in more on you than on what your son is going through. This is what I heard:
1. You gave your son the benefit of the doubt and discussed whether you give your other son more attention.
2. You have been willing to spend more one on one time with your older son in response to what he is presenting you with.
3. You are attentive to aspects of his play.
All good signs of an intuned, related, reflective and responsive parent. This is what your children need more than anything to grow into emotionally healthy adults.
Not to say that this is a non-issue. Help your son continue to put his feelings into words and use play as a forum for processing his experience of the world. Give him reassurance that you have enough love for both of them. Explain to him that young children sometimes need more help from grown-ups as they cannot do some of the things that "big boys" can do.
Lastly, when there is such an age difference between children, sometimes such feelings can emerge if one child begins school while the younger child get to "reap the rewards" of being home with Mommy. This then becomes one of the issues to include in your chats with your son.
Best wishes and many peaceful blessings!!!
Response by David E. Smith, CSW- Resident therapist
About The Author
"Parenting Predicaments" is a forum on the Alternative Parenting web-site where parents can submit their concerns on their child's behavior and development. Visit the site that is dedicated to living naturally at http://www.AlternativeParenting.com.
Alexis limo rentals ..I remember watching my 18-month-old son eat a big frosted... Read More
"Home Schooling ? Look Before You Leap"Are you considering home... Read More
We take it for granted that children know how money... Read More
In our last article about the neurology of ADHD we... Read More
It was no contest. Given a choice between a ball... Read More
What is hard for parentsLetting them learn from their mistakes.Trying... Read More
As a parent there are lots of things that you... Read More
"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine,... Read More
The techniques of managing relationships between parents and their children... Read More
When your child shows signs of potty training readiness, it's... Read More
Goal setting is essential for building a successful life. However,... Read More
Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room... Read More
Q. We are getting to the stage with our kids... Read More
Finding out that a child has been born with a... Read More
I wanted to share with you one of the most... Read More
The hot new reality TV show "Nanny 911" has been... Read More
"My son won't go to bed at night without a... Read More
Dear Vijay,I worry about not being a good parent. My... Read More
Hey Parents! I hate to tell you, but there is... Read More
The human brain never actually stops developing. Beginning formation in... Read More
O.K. I've heard it a hundred times from my prison... Read More
Dear Camille,As I thumb through the photographs that I carry... Read More
When you hear the phrase, 'guerrilla parenting techniques', what images... Read More
Diapers..Changing a dirty diaper is not the best part of... Read More
Imagine having no television for an entire season. Such was... Read More
car service from Midway Alsip ..An estimated five million scooters will be sold this year... Read More
We begin forming healthy habits at a young age. With... Read More
Certainly we all want our children to excel. But it... Read More
Most of us recognize the continuing escalation of violence around... Read More
Are you considering a car wash fundraiser for your group?... Read More
Are you a parent concerned about passing values on to... Read More
If I had a dollar for every time I persuaded... Read More
How to Get Your Child to Love Reading was conceived... Read More
Recently, a parent came to me, conflicted over whether to... Read More
There are moments in a parent's or grandparent's life, when... Read More
You are in the final round of your favorite game... Read More
Do you have a young child whose weight or eating... Read More
Question 1 "How do I get more time to play?"... Read More
Sometimes a change of perspective can make a huge difference... Read More
Chiladult? Whatever you call them, teenagers are a changin' and... Read More
There are many reasons for treating your twins as individuals... Read More
Baby names are as diverse as the people to whom... Read More
Looking back through my files I've come across several great... Read More
Ritalin is a good medication with a bad reputation. Its... Read More
My husband and I have a 12-year-old daughter who wanted... Read More
Is your baby approaching his or her first birthday and... Read More
Reading is the most efficient and economical way to help... Read More
Jason Meridith's two-year old son whines when he wants more... Read More
Choosing a baby name is an important job, so make... Read More
The popularity of EEG Biofeedback Training continues to grow both... Read More
Parenting |