In Defense of the Jelly Bean

Should a parent give a child a tangible reward when he or she has behaved properly or performed some important task such as doing homework, or helping around the house? Understandably, many parents are hesitant to use incentives, such as prizes, or food treats, to influence their children, especially considering the negative comments by some, but not all, contemporary parenting experts. For many parents, giving their children rewards feels like bribery and to them, should be thus avoided. Some parents object to giving rewards, because they conclude, that a child will end up wanting a reward for everything he or she does! And to these parents, rewarding children seems wrong.

In truth, almost all adults, will only work and sacrifice if there is a reward. Typically, the reward is in the form of a paycheck, but sometime the reward might be personal honour, or fame. Children are no different!

There is a danger in not accepting that children require motivating. Children, when their efforts are not acknowledged can be "turned off" to learning and co-operative behaviour, which then can lead to developmental and social difficulties. For many children, simple praise is enough, to acknowledge their accomplishments. However, at times, and especially for very young children, praise needs to be combined with something tangible like a sticker, or candy, or an allowance.

As parents we must be realistic and practical. We cannot motivate a child with things they don't want, even if our intentions are to educate them in the "true and noble ways" of life. We all want our children to be co-operative about doing their homework, be helpful around the house, and respectful to others. Yet to accomplish these correct goals, we need to bend-down to the mental and emotional of the child, and offer a "jelly bean" and a bit of praise. Certainly, not all behaviour needs to be, or should be, rewarded. Most children seek to please and want, at times, to cooperate. However, and for whatever reason, for certain tasks or attitudes, if the child resists complying, this is a sign that probably a reward for compliance should be offered. Sometimes, a negative consequence should be assigned for refusal to cooperate, if the reward does not sufficiently motivate.

To be effective, rewards should always match the child's level of maturity. When the child outgrows a desire for Acandy and toys@ he or she should be offered "nice clothes or money." As our children mature, it should be our goal to decrease external rewards and encourage more internal, self-motivating ones, and ultimately, when the child grows-up with spiritual and moral values, true altruism.

Children are very receptive and excellent learners. When they repeat a behaviour many times, it becomes "second nature." If we want our children to become exemplary adults, we must insist upon, and encourage, proper behaviour and attitudes when they are young.

Once a behaviour or attitude becomes second nature, it no longer needs to be externally encouraged. For example, if a child develops good study habits when young, as a result of parents having rewarded him/her for this behaviour, typically, as a teen and adult, he or she will continue to have good study habits, because it has now become a personal value, and external rewards are no longer necessary.

The best way is to acknowledge a child's accomplishments by giving generous praise and rewards. Tangible rewards help children improve in learning and good behaviour. Self-esteem is even enhanced since the child is being recognized for behaving properly. A child, and even a teen, likes to know they are doing a good job, and a tangible reward sends that message to them loud and clear.

Abe Kass, M.A., R.S.W., R.M.F.T., is the publisher of Wisdom Scientific self-help educational programs. Abe is also a registered Social Worker, registered Marriage and Family Therapist, certified hypnotherapist and award winning educator. He concluded, after many years of clinical practice and research, that practical solutions requiring a focussed effort of no more than a few minutes a day for very specific personal and relationship problem were critically needed. Wisdom Scientific publishing house has been created to fill this need. For more information or a free e-bulletin, visit e-bulletin

Oswego taxi to Midway ..
In The News:

Hackers and scammers keep looking for ways to break into your Facebook account. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson has some tips to make sure your account is secure.
Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson shows you how to create group texts to reach multiple people at once — and also how to leave them if you get annoyed at the volume of interruptions.
Tax fraud is on the rise, and hackers are now using identity hijacking and artificial intelligence for tax returns in someone else's name to get a refund.
Toyota's Punyo soft robot mimics human behavior, using its chest, hips and arms — in addition to its hands — like a human to handle objects,
Hackers used third-party information to break into Roku accounts, according to the streaming company. Roku says it has secured affected accounts.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains the simple steps for setting a Wi-Fi hot spot on an Android. If you have internet on your phone, it's easy.
Dubai recently hosted the first jet suit race with a backdrop of skyscrapers, and one observer says it was straight out of a comic book.
Kim Komando introduces ways to keep you and your devices safe while traveling. The clever hacks mentioned can protect you from hackers and jackers.
TikTok CEO Shou Chew published a video Wednesday urging users to "protect your constitutional rights" against a bipartisan bill that would force China to divest from the app.
Tech guru Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson says you can never be too careful with tech passwords. He explains how to keep your information safe.
The Lighthouse in New Zealand rotates 360 degrees, constantly giving those inside different views around the clock. Built in the 1990s, it's up for sale.
High school students in Colorado are learning how to design their own AI model projects, including cameras for self-driving cars and apps that can teach other languages.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
Vehicles collect sensitive personal information, which is used to set auto insurance rates. That's partly why auto insurance premiums are rising.
Honda's Uni-One is a hands-free electric mobility device that can reach speeds of 3.7 mph and support a user weighing up to 242 pounds.
Kim Komando puts three AI chatbots head-to-head to decide which is the best assistant for modern problems. Compare Google Gemini, ChatGPT, and Perplexity.
To safeguard personal information on iPhones, users can employ built-in security measures and iCloud Keychain for enhanced privacy. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson shows you how.
Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson introduces you to the City Transformer’s CT-2 electric car, which can seamlessly transition from 8 feet wide on the road to a compact 3 feet for parking.
Hackers are always looking for new ways to trick targets into downloading malware. Now, they're after cryptocurrency folks via Calendly. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson has the details.
Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals how the Microlino Lite, a compact and eco-friendly vehicle, tackles city traffic congestion with its chic design and small dimensions.
A new funeral scam targets surviving family members of those who recently died. Scammers reach out to the survivors and pose as funeral home officials.
Merlin Labs' autonomous pilot could soon hit the commercial airways and may help alleviate a looming pilot shortage, according to CEO Matt George.
There's a simple way to check your subscriptions on an Android and cancel them. Tech guru Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains how it is done.
Hackers use pirated software to target macOS, Android and Windows devices in search of stealing cryptocurrency, according to Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson.

Will My Child Ever Out-grow His Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?

If your child has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder then at... Read More

Home For The Holidays: Avoid Aging Parents Becoming A Burden

By not planning for the future we guarantee that we... Read More

The 411 on Natural Colic Remedies

Any parent whose baby has suffered from colic can tell... Read More

What Do You Do When Your Child is Smarter than You?

We adopted our first child when he was three months... Read More

Invented Spelling --- Another Alice-in-Wonderland Public-School Theory

As part of the whole-language (or "balanced") reading-instruction philosophy, many... Read More

Send Your Child to College FREE!

College is one of the largest expenses through the course... Read More

13 Ways to Spend Time with Your Teenage Daughter

The older my daughter gets the more it's sinking in... Read More

Guide to Choosing LEGO Toys for Children

If you're looking for toys that are both fun to... Read More

Busy Moms, Dont Forget to Take Time Out for You!

As mothers, we play so many different roles and most... Read More

When Parents Disagree

Moms and dads, are there times you think that parenting... Read More

School Issues: When Should an ADHD Child Be Held Back In School?

This can be a very complicated issue, so I don't... Read More

Mommie Moments ? Taking Time For Yourself

Being a parent is a role that requires a large... Read More

10 Things You Can Do To Help A Shy Child

There are a few points about shyness in children which... Read More

Communication Mistakes Parents Often Make - And Easy Ways To Correct Them

As parents, we love our children and want to do... Read More

Why Scrapbooking Moms are the Secret Weapon in the War on Terror

There is a front line and a back end to... Read More

Empty Nest Syndrome

Paula's last child had just gone off to college and... Read More

One Definition of Success

As parents, we want our children and teens to grow... Read More

How To Use Positive Child Discipline

I am a single mother of a 17 year old... Read More

Celebrating Mom: How To Make Every Day Her Special Day!

Bearers of life, wipers of noses, givers of unconditional love... Read More

Every Mom Worries

Sitterphobe "I never have a second to myself," this mother... Read More

Maximizing Your ADHD Childs Performance in School.

As a parent there are lots of things that you... Read More

Communications for Family Emergencies

You know that children can get into trouble. The older... Read More

The POWER of Your Words

Words are truly powerful things. They are something that becomes... Read More

Guide Your Kids! This 3-D Map Leads to Character

A tall, weary-looking mother with glasses, walked into my counseling... Read More

6 Signs You?re A High Maintenance Parent

The children of Baby Boomers, the Echo Generation, are entering... Read More

shuttle from Midway Morris ..