I am writing this from the beautiful mountains of Western North Carolina in the southeastern region of the United States.
It is gorgeous here in April, with trees covered in white or pink blossoms, masses of yellow forsythia in bloom and flowers of many colors bursting forth in gardens and along the roadsides.
It takes my breath away.
As I allow myself to soak up the beauty all around me, I think about the experience of being a parent. I can't help it.
Here are some of the messages Spring is whispering to me this year:
1. Allow everything to happen in its own time.
I remember how, in January, we were longing for Spring to come. Looking at the bare trees, I could imagine the blossoms of April and silently urged Spring to hurry.
But the time was not right.
It's like raising children. There is an inner rhythm, a natural unfolding that cannot be hurried. We can't force the blossoming.
My grand-daughter just took her first steps. She is 13 months old.
For the last few months, she has been standing and walking around the furniture. The adults in her life have been encouraging her to take those un-supported steps.
She was not ready.
Some things cannot be hurried.
In fact, when we hurry our children, it often slows them down. They become anxious and unsure of themselves, and disconnect from their own inner wisdom.
Is there something that you want your child to do or to become that seems to be taking a long time?
Are you impatient?
This may be the time for you to allow the natural process to unfold in its own time.
Trust the knowing within your child. The same inner guidance that we all have within us is within our children as well.
Allow them to bloom in their own way, in their own time.
2. Appreciate each day for the gifts it brings.
The magnificent beauty of Spring is so fleeting.
Last week, I was enjoying the delicate pink flowers of our weeping cherry tree, branches bending gently toward the earth.
I wanted to stop time and hold on to the beauty of it all, but I knew I couldn't.
So I took the time to sit and watch the branches dancing gently in the wind. I soaked in as much of the beauty as I could and felt an overwhelming gratitude to be a part of that magic moment.
Now the blossoms have been replaced by tiny green leaves. The moment of magnificence has passed. Too quickly.
Today I have a choice. I can regret the loss of the blossoms. Or I can appreciate the beauty that is before me now. Flowers gave way to leaves, but the tree is still beautiful.
When my children were teenagers, our relationships went through phases.
Some times were magnificent, like a tree in full bloom. We just seemed to click, and my heart overflowed with love and gratitude.
Other days, we had difficult issues to work through, or they seemed withdrawn. I felt very disconnected from them.
It was easy to remember the way they were before, and that left me with a feeling of loss.
I had a choice. I could regret what I had in the moment - or I could find a way to shift my own emotional energy.
I did that by looking for things to appreciate. It worked every time. It took me from disappointment to gratitude.
In what ways do your children blossom?
Do you take the time to be with them and share those moments with them?
What happens when the moment has passed? Can you appreciate your children even on ordinary days, when nothing special is bursting forth - or even when they are out of sorts and taking it out on you?
Can you look past all of that?
Can you see the beauty that is before you today?
Look at your children. Look until you see something that you appreciate.
Take a few minutes to feel your gratitude for the gift that they bring to your life right now. No comparisons with other children. No longing for a different time when things seemed better between you.
Just appreciate the child who is before you today.
3. Plant the seeds and tend the garden:
All around us, tulips and daffodils are springing up in a bright profusion of color.
Some yards are like vibrant paintings. Other yards are like blank canvases. Nothing is blooming.
What does that tell me?
If we want our children to blossom, we need to learn the lessons of the garden.
Flowers do not appear magically. Someone planted the seeds or the bulbs, and the sun and rain work together to draw the plants out of their winter hibernation.
So it is with our children.
What words do you say to your children? How do act when you are with them? These are the seeds that you plant.
What is the emotional atmosphere like in your home? This is the soil in which the seeds will either grow or whither.
Is it warm and life-affirming?
Is it inviting and welcoming, so your children feel, not only safe, but encouraged to express themselves?
If so, then they will blossom before your eyes.
Pat and Larry Downing have many years of experience counseling teenagers and their parents, conducting family mediations and leading workshops and support groups. They are co-authors of the e-Book, "Feel Good Parenting: How to Use the Power of Your Heart to Create an Extraordinary Relationship with Your Child."
For more information on how to create relationships that are peaceful, harmonious, cooperative and joyful, you may go to go to http://www.feelgoodparenting.com/ to sign up for a free e-Course and a free e-zine for parents.
Copyright ? 2005 by Patricia Downing
PERMISSION TO REPUBLISH: This article may be republished in newsletters and on websites, provided you include ALL the above information about the authors, as it appears, including copyright information and live website link.
shuttle from Midway Glen Ellyn ..Parents are in a unique position to "monitor" their children's... Read More
One of the challenges for parents with a gifted child... Read More
The least flexible character in all of the stories of... Read More
The advances in science over the past century have been... Read More
Non-compliance is the family therapist's big word for your child... Read More
"The best blush to use is laughter: It put roses... Read More
Levels of SafetyBy teaching our children there are different levels... Read More
It was no contest. Given a choice between a ball... Read More
Is there a fathering instinct?Celebrated child development expert Erik Erikson... Read More
We all know that using cloth nappies is best for... Read More
Working with adults (as well as children and teens) for... Read More
Is it possible to be using our children addictively?Anything that... Read More
KIDS AND THE NEWSMore than ever, children witness innumerable, sometimes... Read More
'Whose room is it anyway?'If you have a teenager, you're... Read More
The small, lilac colored hexagonal box, with Winnie the Pooh... Read More
Most of us really don't like it when someone is... Read More
"I could have helped you if I would have known,... Read More
In an actual war, to be attacked means to have... Read More
The legend and myth of the Tooth Fairy is a... Read More
Would you hand a child calculus problems once she was... Read More
Imagine a child who lacks ownership of his own life,... Read More
A certain educator was once asked at what point should... Read More
Who lives in your house? Are they driving you "crazy?"... Read More
Moms, did you ever question your value as a role... Read More
Is it hard to communicate with your teenager about issues... Read More
shuttle from O'Hare North Chicago ..I never dreamed that I would be in a position... Read More
Traditionally, babies have been named at a christening/baptism.... Read More
Children think money grows on trees. Maybe not literally, but... Read More
This past holiday season Canadians spent over $45 billion-with parents... Read More
Research published by University of Rochester neuroscientists C. Shawn Green... Read More
For parents, keeping our kids safe is a constant top... Read More
Sitterphobe "I never have a second to myself," this mother... Read More
My name is Duncan and I'm 2 years old. I... Read More
Looking for an unusual and memorable gift? Why not preserve... Read More
It was a hot summer day in august and The... Read More
There are some grounds to assume that a cognitive dissonance... Read More
Before my daughter was born my house was... Read More
I was in the life insurance sales industry for over... Read More
Is it possible to be using our children addictively?Anything that... Read More
LOS ANGELES (May 19, 2005) - With Memorial Day weekend,... Read More
According to researchers, most children enter school with a good... Read More
Many times, we are so conditioned in how we speak... Read More
Strollers offer a wonderful and convenient service to parents and... Read More
Many working families choose a commercial or individual day care... Read More
My son is 6 yrs old. He came home the... Read More
Question 1 "How do I get more time to play?"... Read More
Researching career education uncovered the following shocking statistic: The average... Read More
Q. What is the best way to teach safety awareness... Read More
If you are a member of a stepfamily, you know... Read More
Fall marks the beginning of many new things both for... Read More
Parenting |