Drug testing

Home For The Holidays: Is it Time for That Talk?

Just a couple of years ago Annie helped her parents get the washer & dryer moved from the basement to a bedroom on the first floor after her mom missed the last step & broke her toe. Annie reassured them that she would make sure they would stay in their own home no matter what. Before she knew it she was fixing every supper for them at their home, taking care of the yard and cleaning the house on the weekend.

Then, Annie started to receive calls during the day at work. Mom had an accident with the car or Dad couldn't get out of the bathtub. She hired a home care aide during weekdays after she talked them into selling the car & accepting help for cleaning and cooking. Annie continued to promise her parents that they would live in their home forever. Her life was consumed with their care.

She hid a house key outside their home after the second time the EMTs called in the middle of the night because they couldn't get into the house for her dad who had fallen while going to the bathroom in the night & her mom couldn't get out of bed to unlock the door. Annie hired a nighttime aide. They now had help 24 hours a day.

After their phone was disconnected for non-payment, Annie finally realized that their mental capacities had degenerated, and convinced her parents she should take over their finances. It wasn't long before she discovered that her parents could not afford to pay for the current arrangements for long. She was surprised how little money they had put away and how small their monthly income was.

When she finally tried to discuss long term care needs with her parents, they were convinced that they were doing just fine on their own. They announced that they would stay right where they were even if they had to let the night time help go, which was of course unthinkable. It was at this point that Annie came to see that they had slipped into an unrealistic state, believing that they were independent and she had never spoken with them about the realities of aging and their possible needs for care.

Annie's kids claimed they felt like orphans, her husband threatened divorce and though her boss told her to take the time she needed, she was unclear what that meant before her job was in jeopardy.

Then, so suddenly it seemed Dad was in the hospital with pneumonia and the doctor said that a nursing home was probably imminent. Annie was exhausted, on the verge of a breakdown and faced with calling her brother who had had little contact or time for his parents for the past few years and lived a thousand miles away.

Like a snowball rolling down a hill, Annie's involvement, her parents needs and the resultant problems grew bigger and bigger over time. We never know the exact course of aging, so it is impossible to be sufficiently prepared for all unforeseen events, but some targeted pre-planning can avoid dealing with one crisis after another. Don't wait for a crisis to talk to your parents about their future. It may become too late before you know it.

As soon as Annie's parents needed the laundry room moved upstairs it was time to talk, as the situation usually doesn't get better. Aging is a process of loss & degeneration. It may be difficult to bring up such private matters, but the situation won't go away. Often it gets worse if we wait and our loved one's cognition deteriorates as it did with Annie's parents, who really thought that they were independent as she continued to reassure them that they would stay in their home.

We plan more for our young/old lives than we do for our old/old years. We may look forward to retirement and we specify an age at which that will begin, so we are clearer about the target and our desires. Old/old age is difficult to imagine and the specific age for which to prepare is slippery as it is more health than age related. Most people announce their desires for this age by simply saying, 1. they don't want to go to a nursing home, 2. they don't want to be a burden, and 3. they don't want to be in pain. But that's too vague and not enough direction for future caregivers. Have that talk with your loved ones the first chance you get. Create a chance to talk about old/old age.

About The Author

Linda LaPointe, MRA is an ElderLife Matters coach and author of several products to assist families experiencing aging including the pamphlet, Don't Be a Burden: 100 Tips. Get free articles and information at www.SOSpueblo.com.

sospueblo@yahoo.com

In The News:

An international team of scientists has unraveled the mystery behind the sudden deaths of 200,000 antelopes in Kazakhstan in May 2015.
A "potentially hazardous asteroid" known as 2002 AJ129 is set to fly by Earth at a whopping 67,000 miles per hour next month, there is no need to worry, scientists say.
NASA tested its powerful RS-25 engine for the first time in 2018 with a new part that was made in an unconventional way.
WASHINGTON (AP) — Earth last year wasn't quite as hot as 2016's record-shattering mark, but it ranked second or third, depending on who was counting.
Authorities in Tennessee got an unexpected surprise when they responded to a burglary alarm at a cell phone store.
Divers in the blue waters around the Yucatán Peninsula have discovered three historic treasures: a sunken lighthouse and the remains of an 18th-century Dutch warship and a 19th-century British steamer, according to Mexico's National Institute of Anthropology and History (INAH).
An alligator and a Burmese python were locked in a cold-blooded battle to the death as a crowd watched in shock at a golf course in Naples, Fla.
A team of experts in Mexico has discovered two linked underwater caverns that are more than 4,000 years old and form the largest known such cave on earth.
CHEYENNE, Wyo. (AP) — How does a bighorn sheep say "cheese?"
Our solar system may be an oddball in the universe.

Promoting Your Childs Motor Development

Assuming there are no serious motor problems present, what can... Read More

What Julia Roberts has to Say about Motherhood

Julia Roberts recently gave birth to twins: Hazel and Phinnaeus.... Read More

5 Solid Reasons: Why Your Child Can Be An Achiever

All of us, including your child, entered this world equipped... Read More

How Public Schools Lie to Parents and Betray Our Children

Under the "No Child Left Behind Act," public schools whose... Read More

Internet Dangers - Protecting Children from Internet Jeopardy

Parents are in a unique position to "monitor" their children's... Read More

Career Education: Does Not Mean the 6 Year College Plan

Researching career education uncovered the following shocking statistic: The average... Read More

Attaboy! Encouraging Phrases That Build Confidence

Home, home on the range, Where never is heard A... Read More

The Reticular Activating System, and its Role in Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

In our last article about the neurology of ADHD we... Read More

What About Competition? Are Your Kids Ready?

Life is full of competition -- even in childhood. Kids... Read More

Confident Kids : Why Some Parents Should Carry a Health Warning

As a hypnotherapist, I am acutely aware of the power... Read More

Theres a Lollipop on Your Bottom (and Other Terms of Endearment)

"I took care of Callie," my three-year-old announced.Callie had been... Read More

Top Seven Tips To Become A Good Stepmother

Becoming a stepmother can undoubtedly be one of the most... Read More

Top Three Reasons To Get Involved At Your Childs School

You may think once your child has gone off to... Read More

A Guide To Help You Teach Your Children Positve Self-Image Through Fitness

Raising a pre-teen or teenage daughter (or son) is not... Read More

Its a Sick World

It's no joy to be sick. It's even less joy... Read More

New Baby ? Relax and Become a Yummy Mummy

Lets face it becoming a mum is a bit of... Read More

Fizzy Sherbet ? A Sweet Science Lesson for Your Kids!

Fizzy sherbet in a paper bag with a strawberry lollipop... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: How to End the Curfew Battle

Q. Things have been relatively calm and OK with our... Read More

Games Of The Past Meet The Present

Recently, our family had the opportunity to care for sisters'... Read More

Study Skills - How Can YOU Help Your Kids?

Some years ago when touring the Scottish Highlands, a man... Read More

Weathering Colic for New Parents

A common problem many times facing parents is Colic. Estimates... Read More

Top Ten Common Sense Rules for Fathers

There are a lot of sophisticated parenting theories and techniques... Read More

Talk Your Child Clever

Most parents can hardly wait for their baby to say... Read More

Are Your Kids Driving You Crazy? How Character Building Charts Keep You Sane

Who lives in your house? Are they driving you "crazy?"... Read More

Building Your Childs Self-Esteem

According to researchers, most children enter school with a good... Read More

street light manufacturer led light facts Pete's produce ..