Drug testing

Home For The Holidays: Is it Time for That Talk?

Just a couple of years ago Annie helped her parents get the washer & dryer moved from the basement to a bedroom on the first floor after her mom missed the last step & broke her toe. Annie reassured them that she would make sure they would stay in their own home no matter what. Before she knew it she was fixing every supper for them at their home, taking care of the yard and cleaning the house on the weekend.

Then, Annie started to receive calls during the day at work. Mom had an accident with the car or Dad couldn't get out of the bathtub. She hired a home care aide during weekdays after she talked them into selling the car & accepting help for cleaning and cooking. Annie continued to promise her parents that they would live in their home forever. Her life was consumed with their care.

She hid a house key outside their home after the second time the EMTs called in the middle of the night because they couldn't get into the house for her dad who had fallen while going to the bathroom in the night & her mom couldn't get out of bed to unlock the door. Annie hired a nighttime aide. They now had help 24 hours a day.

After their phone was disconnected for non-payment, Annie finally realized that their mental capacities had degenerated, and convinced her parents she should take over their finances. It wasn't long before she discovered that her parents could not afford to pay for the current arrangements for long. She was surprised how little money they had put away and how small their monthly income was.

When she finally tried to discuss long term care needs with her parents, they were convinced that they were doing just fine on their own. They announced that they would stay right where they were even if they had to let the night time help go, which was of course unthinkable. It was at this point that Annie came to see that they had slipped into an unrealistic state, believing that they were independent and she had never spoken with them about the realities of aging and their possible needs for care.

Annie's kids claimed they felt like orphans, her husband threatened divorce and though her boss told her to take the time she needed, she was unclear what that meant before her job was in jeopardy.

Then, so suddenly it seemed Dad was in the hospital with pneumonia and the doctor said that a nursing home was probably imminent. Annie was exhausted, on the verge of a breakdown and faced with calling her brother who had had little contact or time for his parents for the past few years and lived a thousand miles away.

Like a snowball rolling down a hill, Annie's involvement, her parents needs and the resultant problems grew bigger and bigger over time. We never know the exact course of aging, so it is impossible to be sufficiently prepared for all unforeseen events, but some targeted pre-planning can avoid dealing with one crisis after another. Don't wait for a crisis to talk to your parents about their future. It may become too late before you know it.

As soon as Annie's parents needed the laundry room moved upstairs it was time to talk, as the situation usually doesn't get better. Aging is a process of loss & degeneration. It may be difficult to bring up such private matters, but the situation won't go away. Often it gets worse if we wait and our loved one's cognition deteriorates as it did with Annie's parents, who really thought that they were independent as she continued to reassure them that they would stay in their home.

We plan more for our young/old lives than we do for our old/old years. We may look forward to retirement and we specify an age at which that will begin, so we are clearer about the target and our desires. Old/old age is difficult to imagine and the specific age for which to prepare is slippery as it is more health than age related. Most people announce their desires for this age by simply saying, 1. they don't want to go to a nursing home, 2. they don't want to be a burden, and 3. they don't want to be in pain. But that's too vague and not enough direction for future caregivers. Have that talk with your loved ones the first chance you get. Create a chance to talk about old/old age.

About The Author

Linda LaPointe, MRA is an ElderLife Matters coach and author of several products to assist families experiencing aging including the pamphlet, Don't Be a Burden: 100 Tips. Get free articles and information at www.SOSpueblo.com.

sospueblo@yahoo.com

In The News:

Extremely rare items from the final years of Marilyn Monroe’s life are up for auction in the U.K. on Saturday.
Officials with the Virginia Wildlife Management and Control on Sunday took to Facebook to share “extremely rare photos” of a two-headed copperhead snake.
Images of a fight between two male deers went viral after the stags locked horns and couldn't unlock them.
Japan’s Hayabusa 2 spacecraft has lowered two small rovers onto an asteroid in an epic mission to study the distant space rock.
Scientists have discovered what happens when you give the party drug MDMA to an octopus, and say the animals surprising reaction has “amazing” implications.
A previously unclassified creature that lived over 500 million years ago, considered the "Holy Grail of paleontology," has finally been identified, thanks to fossil fat.
Medieval legends claim that Pope Joan was the first and only female pope.
There are plenty of challenges to putting people on Mars, whether you look at the rocket, the astronaut or the planet itself.
Archaeologists have unlocked the secrets of an amazing 1,500-year-old altar discovered at a Maya temple deep in the Guatemalan jungle.
Faculty at the University and Richmond are being credited for rescuing nearly 70,000 bees after a tornado Monday took down a tree near the school’s campus.

What a Parent Must Do to Stop Online Predators

Teens can freely access the Internet from computers at school,... Read More

The Forgotten Secret of the Ancient Greeks that Shows Us How to Keep Our Teenagers Out of Trouble

To every thing there is a season, and a time... Read More

From Good to GREAT: Secrets On Becoming A Better Dad

While most fathers aspire to become the best Dads they... Read More

Ready, Aim, Achieve! - Become An On-purpose Family Through Goal Setting

Successful families don't just happen. They take time, talent and... Read More

What Are Your Children Really Watching?

Saturday mornings. Cold cereal and Scooby Doo. How many parents... Read More

Cooking With Your Kids Helps Develop Motor Skills for Preschoolers

Did you know that cooking with your kids is a... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Self-Decorating or Self-Harm - How to Tell the Difference

Q. I need your help with a question about my... Read More

Over-Indulgence And Over-Attentiveness - Two Dangers Parents Must Avoid!

We're all familiar with the over-indulgent parent. But there's another... Read More

My Dads Secrets

From the book Spider's Night on the BoomI've only begun... Read More

First Year With Twins - A Father?s Point Of View

People always ask my wife and I: "How did you... Read More

Introduction to the Medications Used in the Treatment of Attention Deficit Disorder

There are several treatment options available to help improve the... Read More

How To Use Positive Child Discipline

I am a single mother of a 17 year old... Read More

Parents Need to Vent Anger! Try These 4 Steps to Serenity

Parents are losing their self-control to anger. A friend called... Read More

Sharing Books with Children

One of my first memories of childhood is that of... Read More

Helping Your Child Cope With A Long-Term Illness

All children will likely have many different health problems during... Read More

Andy Griffith Show Family Lessons

Although it might seem pretty corny to a lot of... Read More

?Gimme? Proof Your Kids: How To Keep Your Child?s Materialism In Check

It's the first day of the summer holiday. Five year-old... Read More

In Defense of the Jelly Bean

Should a parent give a child a tangible reward when... Read More

Are Public Schools Anti-Parent?

Some public schools try to turn children against their parents... Read More

Parents Complaints --- Arrogant Public Schools Turn a Deaf Ear

School authorities continually claim that they want more parent cooperation... Read More

How Fathers Can Step Up to Fathering

When our oldest son was 2, my wife went out... Read More

How Illiteracy Can Ruin Your Childs Life

It may seem obvious to many people why literacy is... Read More

Assume Personal Responsibility? Who, Me?

As thinking, acting human beings we have the ability to... Read More

Using Pocket-money To Promote Independence In Kids

In seminars I am often asked about pocket-money and whether... Read More

Why Mother?s Day is Important For Children

Mother's Day is important for children.This Mother's Day take note... Read More

led street lights cost street lighting standards Pete's produce ..