Drug testing

Getting Through to Your Teenager

Have you ever watched your teenager make a mistake (that you've made yourself) after you've warned them at least a thousand times? Is there anything more frustrating as a parent?

Well, this is somewhat typical in most "normal" households across America. We (parents) screw up, tell our children about it, and what do they do? They go out and repeat the same mistake. It makes you question your own gene pool.

In actuality, the problem isn't with the teenager (at least not all of it), the problem is in our approach to teaching our teenager the lesson we want them to learn. In a sense, we act just as crazy sometimes; we teach them using the same strategies that didn't work a month or year ago. We should be asking ourselves, when will we learn from our past mistakes?

Here's a better approach that I've experimented with few times with my own students. It's a modified version of the Socratic method. You simply lead your teenager to a predetermined answer that they come up with on their own. That's it. I know it sounds easy, but it takes quite a bit of practice. Allow me to demonstrate.

A parent of one of my students confided in me that her son was hanging around a dangerous group of boys in the neighborhood. She believed his friends were possibly into drugs, gang violence, and other criminal activity. With no father figure in the home, she thought maybe I could "get through" to him.

I asked her, "What have you said to him?" She replied, "I've told him at least a hundred times that his friends are up to no good, and they're going to eventually get him into trouble and jeopardize his future." She continued, as she cried, "I told him that I made the same mistake when I was his age, and he didn't want to go through the pain I did. I just can't get him to listen."

A lot of us can relate to this mother's frustration. We want so much for our children to avoid the mistakes we made. We can't understand why they can't understand our concern, and we become frustrated and sometimes even angry.

Well, I agreed to meet with her son after class. But I decided to use a different approach. I figured the old approach wasn't working, so what did I have to lose? After a little small talk, I simply asked a couple of simple questions, "Who are your three closest friends?" After he gave their names (all part of the group his mom disliked), I asked him a second question, "If you died tonight, and you had children, would you want any of those friends raising your son or daughter?"

After an extremely long pause, I let him off the hook by saying, "You don't have to give me the answer, but I do want you to ask yourself another question. If you wouldn't let them raise your children in the future, then why are spending most of your time with them today?" That was the end of our discussion.

This little episode may or may not have put him on the right track, but it did one thing his mother was unable to do ? get through to him. He now had to make his own decision based on his own reality, not his mother or his teacher ? and then accept responsibility for the consequences of that decision.

And that's all you can really do for teenagers?get them to think for themselves. If you did a good job teaching your children in the early years, the growing process (including the mistakes) is a lot easier to accept.

The key to getting through to your teenager is to say less, and ask more in order to get them to do more thinking. The more you say, the less they'll think. And the less they think, the more mistakes they're inclined to make. So, take your own advice, learn from your past mistakes by adopting a new approach.

Dr. Joe Martin is an award-winning speaker, author, professor, and educational consultant and owner of New Teacher Success. Visit http://www.newteachersuccess.com today!

In The News:

Researchers from Monterey bay Aquarium and Stanford University discovered an area the size of Colorado between California and Hawaii that appears to be a “White Shark Café,” but it is unclear if the sharks are there for food or sex.
Tech billionaire Elon Musk has had a big week, and it’s only Tuesday.
A New Zealand family stumbled upon a massive jelly-like blob on a beach early Monday.
A bizarre pulsar emanating from a nearby neutron star, RX J0806.4-4123, is giving off a strange light and scientists are unclear what is causing it.
Canadian firefighters caught a rare, terrifying phenomenon on video last month when a 200-foot-tall fire tornado sucked their firehose into the sky and melted it.
NASA has unveiled the first images from its Transiting Exoplanet Survey Satellite (TESS), its $337 million alien-planet hunting satellite and the results are nothing short of incredible.
Long extinct cave lions may be about to rise from their icy graves and prowl once more alongside woolly mammoths and ancient horses in a real life Jurassic Park.
A North Carolina firefighter thought he saw an alligator in the flood waters after Hurricane Florence.
The European Southern Observatory's (ESO) Very Large Telescope (VLT) in Chile has a busy observation schedule, but sometimes cloudy or moonlit skies mean a temporary halt to scientific measurements. During those times, the observatory team chooses interesting and beautiful objects across the southern skies to image in color.
Tourists on a whale cruise were treated with a spyhop last month when three humpback whales launched one-by-one in succession off the coast of Nova Scotia in a rare triple breach.

Thirteen Values You Can Teach Through Homework

Are you a parent concerned about passing values on to... Read More

Co-sleeping, a personal story

When I was pregnant, we knew that we had some... Read More

7 Things To Teach Your Kids About Money

Did you know that many people retire broke?It's true. After... Read More

The Forgotten Secret of the Ancient Greeks that Shows Us How to Keep Our Teenagers Out of Trouble

To every thing there is a season, and a time... Read More

They Call it Puppy Love

My son is 6 yrs old. He came home the... Read More

Your Company Vehicle is a Portable Bill Board; A word of advice on children passengers

Child Safety Restraints and children in work vehiclesIf you take... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: The Teenager and the Gorilla

Q: A parent writes in to ask, "You write a... Read More

Who Will Be Their Guardian?

If you are like most people today, you do not... Read More

Top Ten Common Sense Rules for Fathers

There are a lot of sophisticated parenting theories and techniques... Read More

Parenting

This article on parenting is by a practicing relationship counsellor/therapist,... Read More

Ten Ways To Become Your Teenagers Best Friend

Best friends! It may seem impossible to believe, but today's... Read More

COMMITMENT: Teaching Children the Lessons of a Lifetime

It's been said, time and again, that for a child... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: 6 Tips for Dealing with Bad Report Cards

One of the basic issues we need to understand is... Read More

The Graceful Art of Defrazzling - For Mothers

"I wipe my baby's chin with my college diploma and... Read More

5 Simple Steps Guaranteed To Allow You To Spend More Time With Your Children This Summer

Look around: Your kids are counting sleeps until the last... Read More

Children Cooperate When Appreciated

Do you want your child to cooperate with you more?Children... Read More

Introduction to the Medications Used in the Treatment of Attention Deficit Disorder

There are several treatment options available to help improve the... Read More

Discipline Without Damage

If your parenting methods include abuse of any kind; physical,... Read More

Role Models for Your Teen

By the time your children reach their teens, there is... Read More

Life Lessons in a Glass of Beer

It was blisteringly hot last Saturday. As I took that... Read More

Old Wives Tales and Other Things That Just Might Help with ADHD

Here are some tips that I have picked up from... Read More

Is it Attention Deficit Disorder or is it Tourettes Syndrome?

During the assessment process it is of great importance for... Read More

Top 10 Mistakes by New and Expectant Dads

From criticizing a spouse, to claming up about one's own... Read More

Managing Your Stepfamily

If you are a member of a stepfamily, you know... Read More

A Legacy For Dakota

Have you heard the song; "I Hope You Dance"? It... Read More

street light lamps street light photocell Pete's produce ..