Children are People, Not Machines

When growing up, my father frequently reminded me to "pay attention to the details." That saying became very real to me in the area of parenting. While raising children, the details make great differences in development.

Being that children are people and not machines, the kind of detailing needed is different. Focusing on the externals of name brand clothing, perfect hair and having the most extensive collection of expensive toys are not the kind of attention needed. Such efforts will result in the child feeling rejected and learning to substitute material objects and appearances for love.

Children need the attention of their parents. The areas of their lives and abilities given attention will develop most. If the majority of parental attention is given to not standing correctly or not finishing tasks, these areas will develop further. In situations where habitual fault-finding occurs, the child eventually takes all that criticism inside and turns it on themselves. Such methods often lead to unmotivated children with low-self-esteem.

Many adult parents still carry emotional scars from harsh fault-finding from parents. A good common sense rule is, "If you would not let anyone talk to you like you talk to your child, you need to make some changes." Sadly, many children suffer in quiet desperation as victims of harsh treatment, that the parent justifies by telling themselves "it's for their own good," or "I only do it because I love them so much." Such displays are not experienced by the children as "love."

Children need attention given to the details of their lives. The attention they need the most is from their parents. They need encouragement in specific and tangible terms. Statements like, "It puts a smile in my heart, when you show teamwork by playing nicely with your brother" make a child beam. Find them doing good things and bring that to their attention. Identify the specific talent, how it is used and your reaction to it. Train their young minds to search for their talents with the same kind of attention to detail that may have previous been devoted to fault-finding. It also helps to identify internal or character qualities to praise rather than external appearances.

By developing these qualities, the child will always carry those qualities with them, regardless of age. Children do want to please their parents. The challenge many children face is that they often do not know what does please their parents.

Focusing on the details when children do good is important. Such an approach is detailed enough for children to understand what they did good and how it made you feel. Parents often devote too much detail to fault-finding. When the attention to detail is directed to finding good, it results in motivated children with strong self-esteems. If the devil is in the details, perhaps the saints are also.

About The Author

Jeffrey D. Murrah is The Results-Oriented Therapist specializing in marriage and family conflicts. Visit www.restorethefamily.com to sign up for his free newsletter.

www.restorethefamily.com

Oswego taxi to Midway ..
In The News:

Electric Sheep Robotics has introduced an all-electric autonomous robot named Verdie to perform edging, trimming and debris-blowing. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson has the details.
Hackers and scammers keep looking for ways to break into your Facebook account. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson has some tips to make sure your account is secure.
Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson shows you how to create group texts to reach multiple people at once — and also how to leave them if you get annoyed at the volume of interruptions.
Tax fraud is on the rise, and hackers are now using identity hijacking and artificial intelligence for tax returns in someone else's name to get a refund.
Toyota's Punyo soft robot mimics human behavior, using its chest, hips and arms — in addition to its hands — like a human to handle objects,
Hackers used third-party information to break into Roku accounts, according to the streaming company. Roku says it has secured affected accounts.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains the simple steps for setting a Wi-Fi hot spot on an Android. If you have internet on your phone, it's easy.
Dubai recently hosted the first jet suit race with a backdrop of skyscrapers, and one observer says it was straight out of a comic book.
Kim Komando introduces ways to keep you and your devices safe while traveling. The clever hacks mentioned can protect you from hackers and jackers.
TikTok CEO Shou Chew published a video Wednesday urging users to "protect your constitutional rights" against a bipartisan bill that would force China to divest from the app.
Tech guru Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson says you can never be too careful with tech passwords. He explains how to keep your information safe.
The Lighthouse in New Zealand rotates 360 degrees, constantly giving those inside different views around the clock. Built in the 1990s, it's up for sale.
High school students in Colorado are learning how to design their own AI model projects, including cameras for self-driving cars and apps that can teach other languages.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
Vehicles collect sensitive personal information, which is used to set auto insurance rates. That's partly why auto insurance premiums are rising.
Honda's Uni-One is a hands-free electric mobility device that can reach speeds of 3.7 mph and support a user weighing up to 242 pounds.
Kim Komando puts three AI chatbots head-to-head to decide which is the best assistant for modern problems. Compare Google Gemini, ChatGPT, and Perplexity.
To safeguard personal information on iPhones, users can employ built-in security measures and iCloud Keychain for enhanced privacy. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson shows you how.
Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson introduces you to the City Transformer’s CT-2 electric car, which can seamlessly transition from 8 feet wide on the road to a compact 3 feet for parking.
Hackers are always looking for new ways to trick targets into downloading malware. Now, they're after cryptocurrency folks via Calendly. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson has the details.
Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals how the Microlino Lite, a compact and eco-friendly vehicle, tackles city traffic congestion with its chic design and small dimensions.
A new funeral scam targets surviving family members of those who recently died. Scammers reach out to the survivors and pose as funeral home officials.
Merlin Labs' autonomous pilot could soon hit the commercial airways and may help alleviate a looming pilot shortage, according to CEO Matt George.
There's a simple way to check your subscriptions on an Android and cancel them. Tech guru Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains how it is done.

An Overview of Alternative Treatments for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

Since so many would rather avoid the use of stimulant... Read More

I WONT DO IT! Tips for Working with the Oppositional Child

"I WON'T DO IT!" "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"Whether parent or... Read More

Teenagers and Trouble - How Parents Can Keep their Teens Out of Trouble

Teenagers are a work-in-progress, and parenting teenagers can be tricky... Read More

How To Teach Your Children Social Skills

As our children grow, they will be going to schools... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: 6 Things to Stop Doing Right Away

1. STOP focusing on what you are going to make... Read More

7 Ways to Know Your Child

How well do you really know your child?There is so... Read More

?I?M OVERWHELMED? -- 5 Tips On How Parents Can Take Control Of Their Lives

Are you feeling overwhelmed being a parent? Do you want... Read More

You Make Me Sick And Other Things Parents Say in Anger

Maryann is so focused she's blind. She's slipped over the... Read More

Help Your Child Do Better in School

1. Create... Read More

The Mystery of Picky Eaters

If you were to ask 100 parents why they think... Read More

Public-School True Believers with a Mission

One reason public schools get away with educational failure, year... Read More

Wholism and Materialism

Perhaps I could make a lot of money by founding... Read More

Screaming Kids Driving You Nuts? Four Rules to Help You Keep Your Sanity!

Often I will hear parents say, "I just ignore Jr.... Read More

5 Tips for Improving Communication With Your Teenager

Parents are always looking for ways to open up the... Read More

What Are Your Children Really Watching?

Saturday mornings. Cold cereal and Scooby Doo. How many parents... Read More

How You Can Help Your Child To Be An Avid Reader

Reading is the most efficient and economical way to help... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: The Power Struggle

Q: My husband and I are at a loss as... Read More

Super Nanny - A Users Guide to Watching Super Nanny

There are many things to like about the television show... Read More

Children Need Roots and Wings

"Good parents give their children Roots and Wings." --Jonas SalkThe... Read More

The Post-Holiday Blues In Stepfamilies

In stepfamilies, big holiday expectations can lead to big disappointment--and... Read More

Teaching Reading: Part One

One of the biggest milestones in our children's education is... Read More

How to Assist Troubled Teens

What parents of a teen haven't wondered where their sweet... Read More

Joining a Gang: How to Help Kids Prevent it, How to Tell if Theyve Joined One, How to Help Them Out

While youth gangs are nothing new -- they've been traced... Read More

Meningitis and Septicaemia

Meningitis is an inflammation of the membranes around the brain... Read More

Help Your Children to Love Reading

It is so important to create an environment that promotes... Read More

shuttle from Midway Morris ..