"Setting the alarm on Sunday mornings is inhuman?..God should know that!" Those were my adolescent thoughts every weekend when my parents forced me to church. "I can get more out of my headphones and the Beatles." It was this way as far back as I can remember. Early Sunday school, then later Bible studies, liturgies in another language, all culminating in a weekly teen rebellion against God and my parents. I really hated my parents (especially my Mother) for forcing religion on me. "Besides, I don't think the Smothers Brothers forced their kids, and they are political giants!" I would brood the entire hour's drive to church just to make my parents as miserable as I felt. It never changed in all those years.
I look back thirty-five years to those times now and bless my parents in every prayer I pray for the gift they gave me. I no longer practice their religion, but I live with every pore in my body believing in something greater than myself. My faith is as easy as a breath in, and during times of great challenge, I don't have to search for God or strength. Everything I need is already there and will always be.
I have seen my peers dedicate themselves to never raising a child that way. "I will never force my child into religion the way my parents did," became a mantra. "I will wait until they are old enough and let them choose for themselves." Those choices, along with the "feel good" experiments of the seventies, have been a dismal failure. The result is an ever increasing growth of what I call "entitlement fixated" people. It is so pervasive that, had I the power, I would make it a new personality disorder designation.
When children are raised to never know failure, they can't savior the delicacy of success nor can they appreciate the hunger that second place instills. If they don't learn that we must, at times, do things we abhor for a greater good, they don't learn self-discipline. If we don't instill empathy early on, they don't ever know the complete joy in giving. And if we neglect their spiritual natures, they may never truly trust God.
I see behind me a generation largely of lost souls looking for God under every rock and crystal believing they are so special that all of life's challenges are someone else's fault and someone else's duty to resolve. They are spoiled, arrogant and have no sense of healthy boundaries or respectfulness. How can they when they themselves have replaced God as the center of all worlds? This is the legacy we have given them. We have absolved them of all failures, and endowed them with unlimited special ness and therefore, tragically, they cannot arrive at the simple truth that there is something greater than themselves.
My early spiritual training was a little "rough around the edges". Yet, at least there was something there - something to offer me a foundation on which to build my spiritual life. I was given s sense of divinity and an eye for all things sacred. I am not the center, but rather, a necessary part of a great whole. My participation in goodness and love and acting on what is right furthers my sense of self and God more than all the awards, accolades and accomplishments I could ever accumulate in a lifetime.
Those who are entitlement fixated are trapped in lonely, fearful, winning-is-everything world. Their sense of self is so exaggerated that true intimacy and love are replaced by control and manipulation. I can't even imagine the aloneness of a "self only" existence. Arrogance replaces confidence and expectations replace caring. All sense of community is buried in an extreme need for gratification that can never be satisfied for more than a few fleeting moments. And, this personality can be either flagrantly overt, or seductively, manipulatively, covert. But the goal is always the same: to fulfill the needs of the self, first and always. This differs from narcissism in that all empathic responses and attempts at spiritual connection are based on an outcome, rather than an open heart. A true narcissist is capable of empathy and connection so long as they are not momentarily threatened. A person with entitlement fixation doesn't ever experience the feelings though they will often vehemently deny this.
I feel tremendous compassion for the entitlement-fixated souls on our world. They must be among the loneliest and the most unsure. I have given great thought to the antidote for this affliction and I believe that the answer lies partly in one simple concept: humility.
Humility is a forgotten lesson. We have confused humility with humiliation and have fought hard to protect our young from its pain. Humility is the concept Mother Theresa tried to convey when she said, "I am just God's little pencil." It is an exquisite feeling of surrender and openness all in one glorious, spiritual moment. I am humbled when enveloped in a magenta sunset, or when caught in seizures of belly laughs. I feel humbled by the unswerving loyalty and joyous antics of my dogs. I am humbled by the amount of overwhelming talent in my small town and in the awesome devotion of all the volunteers to service I meet. I live my life in an unassuming, understated kind of way. I am inspired by the vastness and intimate knowledge of all things greater than I, yet I am confident and competent in meeting the challenges of my life.
Children need to know that the knowledge gained in failure can outweigh the feelings of being first. There can be true rejoicing in another's success. Being a part of something greater is better than being noticed. Giving is it's own peace. God is not a concept, but a sense that needs to be nurtured and developed before it can be experienced. It is our humility that allows us to be happy for others and foster their highest good. My parents were clumsy, at times, in their lessons and they didn't dote on me. Instead, they gave me something I can cherish.
Don't neglect your child's spiritual development. Any foundation is better than none. The lessons of self-discipline, humility, community, and God are all worth any resistance you may encounter. This is our job as parents and role models. This legacy is our best.
About The Author
Erika J. Chopich, Ph.D.is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process and the best-selling co-author of "Healing Your Aloneness" and "The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook." Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or http://www.innerbonding.com
Chicago limo Skokie ..When choosing the perfect jogging stroller, a very important question... Read More
Quite simply, an absolute nightmare for parents and babies alike,... Read More
College is one of the largest expenses through the course... Read More
We adopted our first child when he was three months... Read More
Although many parents are concerned with our children's intelligence quotient... Read More
"I WON'T DO IT!" "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"Whether parent or... Read More
If you were to ask 100 parents why they think... Read More
One of the implications of the current trend toward smaller... Read More
I have three children, ages 19 and 16 (yes, the... Read More
What is the mystery of motherhood? I know that when... Read More
The older my daughter gets the more it's sinking in... Read More
How are parents to know they are doing the right... Read More
An estimated five million scooters will be sold this year... Read More
Think back to your own childhood. Chances are, some of... Read More
Just two days ago, another 15-year old child was added... Read More
Recently I took my two children to a popular new... Read More
The First Reason: For one thing, child development experts are... Read More
John Bishop's Goal Setting for Students.comLegacy to Your ChildrenIt's 6:30... Read More
All children will likely have many different health problems during... Read More
Criticism is punitiveOur children judge themselves on the opinions we... Read More
Life is comprised of pieces of time sprinkled with pivotal... Read More
Many families do not want to believe their child is... Read More
Vacations are fun ! Weekends with the family are nice.... Read More
As our children grow, they will be going to schools... Read More
What are the easiest things citizens can do to prevent... Read More
limo O'Hare Bonfield ..They Spur Members To Grow EmotionallyTatiana Tannenbaum grappled with a... Read More
By the time your children reach their teens, there is... Read More
"Before every action, ask yourself: Will this bring more monkeys... Read More
Successful parents have learned to be both firm and kind... Read More
Many reasons will cause some people to feel the need... Read More
Some people can concentrate on an assignment, to the exclusion... Read More
Let's be honest! When it comes to parenting, men expect... Read More
For most children, it is easy to learn to read... Read More
It can be said that any man who procreates is... Read More
Many parents struggle with solutions to put their child on... Read More
Winifred or Willow? Thomas or Troy? The name you choose... Read More
Yesterday my husband Wade took the day off (that's one... Read More
Before my daughter was born my house was... Read More
It's been said, time and again, that for a child... Read More
Here are fourteen spontaneous time-outs, specially designed to help you... Read More
Becoming a stepmother can undoubtedly be one of the most... Read More
So you have just returned home from your third meeting... Read More
Parents, do you have children who do poorly in school,... Read More
My oldest boy is fifteen and was a real jerk... Read More
"To educate a person in mind and not in morals... Read More
School authorities continually claim that they want more parent cooperation... Read More
Many families, ours included, have learned that breakfast is eaten... Read More
Most parents can hardly wait for their baby to say... Read More
Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent more than the... Read More
If I had a dollar for every time I persuaded... Read More
Parenting |