Drug testing

Boundaries - Why Theyre Needed

Imagine a child who lacks ownership of his own life, has no
self-control, and lacks respect for others. If these were the qualities of
your son, how would you feel for his future wives?

Yes, wives is plural, this is one major reason we need to set boundaries
for our children ? their future. One study showed that children born
recently on average will have more spouses than kids. Here are a few
examples of children who lack boundaries:

1. Little Johnny walks right into his parent's bedroom whenever he wants.
It does not matter if the door was open or closed.
2. Twelve year-old Steve frequently changes the channel on the television.
It does not matter if anyone was watching a show or not.
3. Susie blames others for her mistakes. It always seems to be her
teacher's fault, brother's fault, or a friend's fault when something does
not go right.
4. Marie is uncomfortable with how her boyfriend treats her and pressures
her for sex. She keeps dating him because she questions who else would want
to date her.

Without boundaries children will have problems in relationships, school, and
life. Many times addictive behavior can be traced to lack of boundaries.
Here are a few results that can occur:
1. Children can have controlling behavior
2. Children can be motivated by guilt or anger.
3. Without firm boundaries children are more likely to follow their peer
group. For example, making unwise choices on sex, drinking, or driving.
4. Children do not own their own behavior or consequences, which can lead to
a life of turmoil.
5. Children may allow others to think for them.
6. They may allow someone else to define what his or her abilities will be.
This denies their maximum potential.
7. When someone has weak boundaries they pick up other's feelings.
8. Weak boundaries may make it hard to tell where we end and another person
begins.

What is a parent to do? Many times we hinder our children from developing
boundaries. Realize we must teach our children boundaries; they are not
born with them. Here are a few suggestions to help develop boundaries.

1. Recognize and respect the child's boundaries. For example, knock on
their closed bedroom door instead of just walking in.
2. Set our own boundaries and have consequences for crossing them.
3. Avoid controlling the child.
4. Give two choices; this helps our children learn decision-making skills.
5. When you recognize that boundaries need to be set. Do it clearly, do it
without anger, and use as few words as possible.
6. We need to say what hurts us and what feels good.
7. It may be difficult to set a boundary. You may feel afraid, ashamed, or
nervous, that's okay, do it any ways.

Another way to work with boundaries and children is to model these for our
children.
1. Recognize your physical boundaries.
2. You have the right to request proper treatment, for example, poorly
prepared meals in a restaurant should be sent back, ask others to smoke away
from your space, and ask that loud music be turned down.
3. Share your opinions with your children. Allow your children their
opinions. Opinions are not right or wrong. This will help them think for
themselves.
4. Teach them how you decide on the choices you make.
5. Lets own what we do and what we don't do. Take responsibility for when
things go wrong.
6. Accept your thoughts, it is who you are.
7. Discover what your limits are, emotional and physical.

Setting boundaries is all about taking care of ourselves. This is the first
guideline we teach in our workshops. Other benefits include:
1. We will learn to value, trust, and listen to ourselves.
2. Boundaries are also the key to having a loving relationship.
3. Boundaries will help us with our personal growth.
4. We will learn to listen to ourselves (trusting our intuition). We
also will learn to respect and care for others and ourselves.
5. Boundaries will aid us in the workplace.

Boundaries are all about freedom and recognizing when these freedoms have been crossed. Boundaries give us a framework in which to negotiate life events. Recognizing and acting when our boundaries have been crossed will protect our freedom. Boundaries lead to winning relationships for both
parties. By building foundations based on mutual trust, love, and respect we can expect our children to grow up more tolerant and with a mature character. Simply put, boundaries simplify life.

Derek and Gail Randel M.D. are parent coaches who have customized programs
for corporations, schools, and parent groups. They can be reached at Parent Smart from the
Heart, 1-866-89-SMART, www.parentsmartfromtheheart.com , www.stoppingschoolviolence.com or
info@randelconsulting.com

In The News:

Sharks and a saltwater crocodile went on a feeding frenzy about a mile off the coast of Australia — and the "rare" event was caught on tape.
The Buffalo Museum of Science has been sitting on a rare find.
A team of scientists have recently revealed they are able to keep the brain of a pig alive outside of its body for 36 hours after it has been decapitated.
A chilling 19th-century postcard written by someone claiming to be ‘Jack the Ripper’ has resurfaced in the U.K., puzzling experts.
A New England man, who has requested to remain anonymous, believed a small gold coin with a $5 denomination from the San Francisco Mint during the height of the California Gold Rush was a fake. It turns out, he was wrong and the coin is now estimated to be worth "millions of dollars," according to Numismatic Guaranty Corporation.
Europe's newest Earth-observation satellite has taken flight.
A cluster of earthquakes in Oklahoma earlier this month helped push the state to 62 temblors this year alone of magnitude 3.0 or more — and 2,724 of that magnitude or more since 2010.
A young American sailor’s journal detailing his harrowing experiences during the Revolutionary War has been donated to the Museum of the American Revolution in Philadelphia.
Archaeologists in Egypt have discovered an extremely rare marble head depicting the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius.
The most-viewed eclipse in history had an unexpected witness: A Google Street View car drove right to the edge of totality, offering a surprising celestial treat for visitors scoping out the event in Maryland Heights, Missouri.

Confident Kids : Why Some Parents Should Carry a Health Warning

As a hypnotherapist, I am acutely aware of the power... Read More

How Two Quarelling Kids Helped Invent the Better Behavior Wheel

When David was nine and Laura was twelve, the battles... Read More

EEG Biofeedback as a Treatment for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

In this form of treatment for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder... Read More

Parenting Predicaments

Predicament:My son is 4 1/2 years old. His younger brother... Read More

Every Mom Worries

Sitterphobe "I never have a second to myself," this mother... Read More

How to Silence Your Childs Inner Critic

Children do what feels good to them and follow their... Read More

I Cant Sleep Without You

When my firstborn arrived into this serene and peaceful household,... Read More

Books Around the House Make A Difference in Literacy Rates

We need a grass roots campaign targeted towards parents to... Read More

The ADD Child: Challenging Parents, Teachers and Friends

The ADD child exhibits a series of behaviors that are... Read More

6 Signs You?re A High Maintenance Parent

The children of Baby Boomers, the Echo Generation, are entering... Read More

Dads, Handle your Kids Mistakes

One of the most difficult parts of being a father... Read More

The Importance of Mothers

Moms, did you ever question your value as a role... Read More

Parents and Children Working Together

When parents help their children learn to read, they help... Read More

The POWER of Your Words

Words are truly powerful things. They are something that becomes... Read More

Inattentive ADHD: Just Like Winnie the Pooh

Winnie the Pooh is the classic picture of Inattentive ADHD.... Read More

Home For The Holidays: Is it Time for That Talk?

Just a couple of years ago Annie helped her parents... Read More

Teenagers Taking Risks

It can be hard being a parent with a teen... Read More

Developing a Fantastic Relationship with Your Child

Here's a scene: A parent "might suddenly grab a happliy... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: 3 Ways to Make the Time

Every now and then I'll get a story sent to... Read More

The Financially Intelligent Parent: 8 Steps to Raising Successful, Generous, Responsible Children

What you say and do about money has a profound... Read More

Intermission: Wood Chips

I wanted to share with you one of the most... Read More

The Thing with Quality Time

It's funny how people seem to think that they have... Read More

Surviving as a Single Parent

Emotional OverloadMany single parents say they deal with a variety... Read More

Back to School - Disappontment?

Our back-to-school buying habits do not help kids succeed in... Read More

Raise Your Child to Be a Leader Not a Follower

Your child's leadership skills begin at the family dinner table.... Read More

street lights cost led street lighting fixtures Pete's produce ..