This may come as a surprise, but many parents are unaware of
the full extent of their child's basic needs.
Do you remember the old song by Lennon and McCartney about
the girl leaving home after 'living alone for so many
years'? The parents were desolate. They'd given her
everything money could buy - so how could she possibly have
been lonely and unhappy?
Clearly, there were some needs that just weren't being met
at home, so the girl upped and left.
What are these basic needs we must be aware of if we're to
be effective parents?
There are four categories: physical, emotional, intellectual
and spiritual.
So often people overestimate the first category, physical
needs - but let's not underestimate them either! We all need
food and drink, warmth, clothing and shelter to protect us
from the elements.
These will sustain life, but by themselves they won't
promote positive relationships. Some parents, however,
shower their kids with material things in order to over-
compensate for the other areas.
And we all know that, despite their wealth, many of these
same kids are miserable. Their other needs are just not
being met.
Probably the most obvious of these other needs is emotional
in nature.
Love and affection are vital, but there's more to it.
Children need constant reassurance! When our personalities
are forming we are on the lookout for feedback, so that we
know what to accept and what to reject.
We also form our picture of ourselves from the feedback we
get from others, especially those who have 'significant'
roles in our lives: parents first, then siblings, relatives,
teachers, friends and so on.
The bottom line is that a child doesn't really know what to
make of himself until that feedback comes in.
And they make value judgements so quickly! 'Hey, I'm pretty
good at this, everbody tells me so!'
Or how about, 'Yeah, I guess I'm a pretty stupid, useless
person. They always laugh at me. That's if they take any
notice at all!'
As a parent it's easy for you to praise the child who's
doing well, but the child who's struggling needs as much -
no, needs more - praise and encouragement. And so often we
overlook this.
If you take the time to listen to your kids, to take their
interests and ideas seriously - even if they seem petty,
trivial or irrelevant - then you are investing heavily in
your children's emotional well-being.
Although many parents are becoming aware of the emotional
needs of children, some are a bit hazy when it comes to
their intellectual needs.
There's still a perception that those kids who do well at
school just happen to be the 'brainy' ones.
Yet a wide body of research suggests that school or
'academic' success will be determined by a child's positive
self-image AND by the stimulation and interaction the child
receives at home.
These affect the thought-processes of the child, and the
thought-processes (HOW the child thinks) are the tools used
in learning.
Kids who perform well at school consistently come from homes
where there's a lot of mental stimulation through play, a
variety of experiences, and interaction through discussion
and conversation.
Finally, if intellectual needs are hazy, there appears to be
downright confusion over spiritual needs.
That children have spiritual needs comes as a shock to some
parents, and others hotly dispute this need. This seems to
be because most people associate spiritual needs with
religion, but they are not necessarily related to religious
beliefs.
It's generally accepted in modern educational and clinical
psychology that we all have spiritual needs.
It's helpful to make your kids aware that there are greater
forces and powers at work in nature and in the universe, and
that their lives work best when they are in harmony with
these.
You can meet your kids' spiritual needs by participating in
your religion, but also by fostering a sense of awe and
wonder about the grandeur of the world.
Teach your children to respect nature and the life force
that permeates it.
On to this can be built an appreciation of the diversity and
variety of human lives and customs.
As a result your kids will grow up with a value system,
which when followed will lead to contentment and happiness.
A well-rounded individual, then, is one who's needs are met
in all the above categories: physical, emotional,
intellectual and spiritual.
Take action now to meet ALL your kid's basic needs. It's
never too late, but obviously the earlier you start, the
better. Your kids will be well-balanced and happy.
And you? Well, you'll be taking pride and pleasure in a job
well done!
Why do some parents and children succeed, while others fail?
Frank McGinty is an internationally published author and
teacher. His writing includes children's fiction and motivational books for both teenagers and parents.If you want to further develop your parenting
confidence and encourage your kids to be all they can be,
visit his web pages,
http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html AND http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html
1. Encourage Questions.Don't answer every question, instead ask what do... Read More
"Setting the alarm on Sunday mornings is inhuman?..God should know... Read More
Everyone in a private practice setting who works with children... Read More
Can you draw a straight line? Most adults don't consider... Read More
How can two or three children in the same family... Read More
Article based on a friend's experienceI just wanted to share... Read More
Checking accounts are an absolute necessity these days. You can... Read More
Do your children have a McChildhood? Do they experience the... Read More
Once the newness has worn off a little, you will... Read More
More and more kids these days are diagnosed ADD, ADHD,... Read More
Our children are our most important legacy to the world.... Read More
Summertime means insect bites and stings. Ouch! Take a leaf... Read More
Successful families don't just happen. They take time, talent and... Read More
Do you remember how you first learned the alphabet? I... Read More
Dear MomOn this day set aside to honour "Mother's" let... Read More
For most children, it is easy to learn to read... Read More
Blink. That's all we did, blink, and summer is ending... Read More
Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent more than the... Read More
I was reading "A Modern Infant Armada", a humor column... Read More
The choices are mind numbing. Walk into any toy store... Read More
For many adults, reading a book or newspaper seems effortless.... Read More
Many families, ours included, have learned that breakfast is eaten... Read More
Working with adults (as well as children and teens) for... Read More
There are software programs that you can purchase to keep... Read More
Do you really want your child to enjoy playing with... Read More
reliable home cleaners Buffalo Grove ..Get into their world. The world that teens are growing... Read More
Advocate: you've probably heard the term before. But what does... Read More
"Walk through any toy store and you will see walls... Read More
We are all so very happy to see that the... Read More
Be aware. You may become totally overwhelmed when you get... Read More
I never dreamed that I would be in a position... Read More
As the kids go back to school, you can go... Read More
We take it for granted that children know how money... Read More
In the last 20 years we've all been introduced to... Read More
Do any other reality TV junkies remember a show on... Read More
We all scream for ice cream. Or, we don't, at... Read More
The initial state of happiness about an own child is... Read More
Learning obedience is an important part of child development. This... Read More
Sara loves pampering. Haircuts, facials, manicures, and makeup bring smiles,... Read More
If there are any parents reading this who are thinking... Read More
Children and teenagers are relentlessly bombarded with merchandise that entices.... Read More
Parents are losing their self-control to anger. A friend called... Read More
If you are a member of a stepfamily, you know... Read More
"He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds... Read More
Economist John Kenneth Galbraith has said that more people die... Read More
Home schooling. What is it? What does it mean to... Read More
Q. My daughter has gotten very good at manipulating us,... Read More
What are the easiest things citizens can do to prevent... Read More
It happens every year. Just when you are settled in... Read More
Managing money is one of the most critical skills we... Read More
Parenting |