This may come as a surprise, but many parents are unaware of
the full extent of their child's basic needs.
Do you remember the old song by Lennon and McCartney about
the girl leaving home after 'living alone for so many
years'? The parents were desolate. They'd given her
everything money could buy - so how could she possibly have
been lonely and unhappy?
Clearly, there were some needs that just weren't being met
at home, so the girl upped and left.
What are these basic needs we must be aware of if we're to
be effective parents?
There are four categories: physical, emotional, intellectual
and spiritual.
So often people overestimate the first category, physical
needs - but let's not underestimate them either! We all need
food and drink, warmth, clothing and shelter to protect us
from the elements.
These will sustain life, but by themselves they won't
promote positive relationships. Some parents, however,
shower their kids with material things in order to over-
compensate for the other areas.
And we all know that, despite their wealth, many of these
same kids are miserable. Their other needs are just not
being met.
Probably the most obvious of these other needs is emotional
in nature.
Love and affection are vital, but there's more to it.
Children need constant reassurance! When our personalities
are forming we are on the lookout for feedback, so that we
know what to accept and what to reject.
We also form our picture of ourselves from the feedback we
get from others, especially those who have 'significant'
roles in our lives: parents first, then siblings, relatives,
teachers, friends and so on.
The bottom line is that a child doesn't really know what to
make of himself until that feedback comes in.
And they make value judgements so quickly! 'Hey, I'm pretty
good at this, everbody tells me so!'
Or how about, 'Yeah, I guess I'm a pretty stupid, useless
person. They always laugh at me. That's if they take any
notice at all!'
As a parent it's easy for you to praise the child who's
doing well, but the child who's struggling needs as much -
no, needs more - praise and encouragement. And so often we
overlook this.
If you take the time to listen to your kids, to take their
interests and ideas seriously - even if they seem petty,
trivial or irrelevant - then you are investing heavily in
your children's emotional well-being.
Although many parents are becoming aware of the emotional
needs of children, some are a bit hazy when it comes to
their intellectual needs.
There's still a perception that those kids who do well at
school just happen to be the 'brainy' ones.
Yet a wide body of research suggests that school or
'academic' success will be determined by a child's positive
self-image AND by the stimulation and interaction the child
receives at home.
These affect the thought-processes of the child, and the
thought-processes (HOW the child thinks) are the tools used
in learning.
Kids who perform well at school consistently come from homes
where there's a lot of mental stimulation through play, a
variety of experiences, and interaction through discussion
and conversation.
Finally, if intellectual needs are hazy, there appears to be
downright confusion over spiritual needs.
That children have spiritual needs comes as a shock to some
parents, and others hotly dispute this need. This seems to
be because most people associate spiritual needs with
religion, but they are not necessarily related to religious
beliefs.
It's generally accepted in modern educational and clinical
psychology that we all have spiritual needs.
It's helpful to make your kids aware that there are greater
forces and powers at work in nature and in the universe, and
that their lives work best when they are in harmony with
these.
You can meet your kids' spiritual needs by participating in
your religion, but also by fostering a sense of awe and
wonder about the grandeur of the world.
Teach your children to respect nature and the life force
that permeates it.
On to this can be built an appreciation of the diversity and
variety of human lives and customs.
As a result your kids will grow up with a value system,
which when followed will lead to contentment and happiness.
A well-rounded individual, then, is one who's needs are met
in all the above categories: physical, emotional,
intellectual and spiritual.
Take action now to meet ALL your kid's basic needs. It's
never too late, but obviously the earlier you start, the
better. Your kids will be well-balanced and happy.
And you? Well, you'll be taking pride and pleasure in a job
well done!
Why do some parents and children succeed, while others fail?
Frank McGinty is an internationally published author and
teacher. His writing includes children's fiction and motivational books for both teenagers and parents.If you want to further develop your parenting
confidence and encourage your kids to be all they can be,
visit his web pages,
http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html AND http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html
There is nothing pleasant about failure, at least not at... Read More
Whether we realize it or not we teach our children... Read More
Family meetings provide opportunities for feelings to be aired and... Read More
Goal setting is essential for building a successful life. However,... Read More
One fantastic way to get your children involved in what... Read More
As a mother of two sets of fraternal boy/girl twins,... Read More
I am a dad. I have been now for over... Read More
Winnie the Pooh is the classic picture of Inattentive ADHD.... Read More
Recently I took my two children to a popular new... Read More
Spare the rod, spoil the child!This philosophy's been around a... Read More
Many companies advertise their products as being educational. How much... Read More
The biggest trick some child predators' are using these days... Read More
Minus all meningitis thoughts. The flu symptons were strong. Headache,... Read More
Vacations are fun ! Weekends with the family are nice.... Read More
Dear Vijay,I worry about not being a good parent. My... Read More
What you say and do about money has a profound... Read More
Ask any teacher or adolescent counselor what the most disturbing... Read More
What is Happening in the brain of children, teens, and... Read More
"Home Schooling ? Look Before You Leap"Are you considering home... Read More
Time management is an organisational concept traditionally associated with adults... Read More
Whether children attend public or private schools, they benefit when... Read More
"It takes a village to raise a child" is more... Read More
Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More
Let's be honest! When it comes to parenting, men expect... Read More
Time devoted the better part of an issue to it.... Read More
insured cleaning company Wilmette ..If you are a parent, then more than likely you... Read More
Q. Things have been relatively calm and OK with our... Read More
Does your child pout, blame and brood? Does he gripe,... Read More
How in the world do you get your child to... Read More
I am a single mother of a 17 year old... Read More
Creating and making special memories with your child is very... Read More
The purpose of this article is to address some of... Read More
Sitterphobe "I never have a second to myself," this mother... Read More
Bearers of life, wipers of noses, givers of unconditional love... Read More
If your child has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder then at... Read More
Saying no to our children is not always easy or... Read More
There's a phrase that's become popular over the past few... Read More
I hear from many parents that their child is stressed... Read More
One of the most difficult struggles in life for a... Read More
"In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't... Read More
Cardiovascular endurance is one of the five health-related components of... Read More
Information is gold when you are adopted. Every tiny piece... Read More
School authorities continually claim that they want more parent cooperation... Read More
The last decade has seen heightened interest in and awareness... Read More
Most of us when asked what we want our children... Read More
Public-school teaching is structured in such a way that it... Read More
One of the most difficult parts of being a father... Read More
(Isaiah 11:6 KJV) The wolf also shall dwell with the... Read More
The brightly colored plastic mobile dangles lazily overhead in the... Read More
To every thing there is a season, and a time... Read More
Parenting |